Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Don’t Give Up


I wondered several dozen times if I’d ever get to a point in my self-help book where I’d stop doubting myself on every page. I had so much insecurity about my message and how to deliver it, I stymied myself. I wanted the reader to relate with me without it becoming an autobiography but I was failing miserably. 

When I doubted my choice of sharing personal stories, I went back and deleted much of what I’d written. It left me with a husk of dry, boring, and unrelatable (ß how is that not a word?) piles of words. The reader would put it down before they reached the second chapter, if they even made it that far.

But how could I help the reader unless I shared my experiences? I couldn’t. So, I’m starting to add some meat to those boring bones and it’s turning out much better than I hoped. Perhaps I’ve even created a new genre for the self-help folks; Bio-help? Hmm. Not so much.

I’m in a comfortable place as I write. My voice is strong and my message is clear (at least to me. We’ll see what my CPs say when I’m finished!). I’m in the writing groove and it’s such a relief to be there after having those ugly self-doubts bouncing around the ol’ skull.

If you’re feeling at bit on edge or doubting your ability – hang in there and don’t give up. You may just end up surprising yourself like I did. The more we write, the better we get.

And, don’t be like me, don’t let those seeds of doubt take root and stop you from trying. You never know what you’re able to accomplish unless you constantly push yourself further than you think you can go.

Keep on writing, baby! Challenge yourself!

~Note: I’m working today but I’ll be sure to pop in on everyone this afternoon or tomorrow. Be well, my friends!



This is an Insecure Writer Support Group post, come hang out with us!  It’s a time to talk about our fears and doubts, or inspire others by sharing our success and happiness.  We’ve got a great bunch of people in this group and we’d love to have you join in on the fun too.  A big thank you to it's creator, Alex J. Cavanaugh.


Don’t forget to stop by and say hello to our fantastic co-hosts:    Eva Solar, Melanie Schulz, Lisa-Buie Collard, and Stephen Tremp!

Thursday, April 30, 2015

It’s Coming to Life

Abby something
Abby…Normal? 
I can’t believe I have over four years in recovery from the Relational Trauma that my husband’s sex addiction triggered. Four years. It seems like such a long time.

But, then again, not all of those years could be called a healthy recovery. So, perhaps it’s better to say four years since the disclosure and three years in a healthy recovery. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.

Cue Jon Lovitz’s character, The Pathological Liar, from SNL J


I don’t usually reflect on how long I’ve been in recovery because it’s become so ingrained in my every day life. I still utilize my toolbox full of recovery techniques, make program calls, see a counselor, and read a daily reader every morning or evening. And, I’m happy to say there are some great apps that have come out since I’ve been in recovery too. My favorite at the moment is Recovery RX (No, I wasn’t paid for that. They’re just that good).

This reflection stemmed from me finally digging into my self-help book again. I mean really getting into the nitty gritty of it all. I’d previously removed the background stories because it’s meant to be a self-help book so why fill it with autobiography kinda stuff, right? But my gut instinct felt (and my CP agreed) that those stories could help the reader relate. Remind them that they’re not alone in their journey.

A few months ago when I started to write those experiences back into the book again, I found I couldn’t use my usual snarky sense of humor. I sounded scorned. I was still stinging from the reminder I get hit with every December 6; my disclosure day. And I was still raw from his recent slips. I’d lost that levity I wanted to bring to a very serious addiction. So, I decided to put the book aside for a couple of months to allow myself time to feel whole again.

Now as I’m rewriting it, it's coming to life. I’m able to find that humor that got me through some of the roughest times four years ago because I’m feeling emotionally stable again. As I said in my last post – Life is good. I’m also able to remember those painful memories and use that hurt to make my writing better instead of sounding so jaded by the addiction.

I’m in a much better place emotionally and I think it’s starting to show in my writing again. It’s no longer boring instructions on how to heal from the trauma, it’s developing into something interesting with a clear sense of Elsie. I’m really digging it and that makes me want to keep working on it.

I’m in a great place and I hope you are too.

Have you ever lost the drive to something only to pick it up again sometime later and find that passion again?