Friday, March 25, 2016

Making A Difference


Have you ever wondered if you make a difference in the world? Even just a little bit? I think about that. Probably more than I should. Especially the older I get. I wonder if people I’ve spoken to in the S-Anon program have reflected on the words I’ve said or written. Have I made an impact? Helped anyone? I’d like to think so. Don’t we all?

I’m pretty sure I’ve made a difference in some people’s lives. There are several that continue to contact me for support and advice. That tells me I've provided them some pearls of wisdoms along the way.

No, I’m not looking for accolades in the comments sections or words of reassurances. I think what I’m feeling at the moment is vulnerable. Yikes! I hate that feeling. Again, don’t we all? I’m feeling vulnerable because I’m getting closer each week to releasing my self-help book. That means I’m putting myself and my family at risk so I can help others and that leaves me to wonder is it worth it?

The feedback I’ve gotten on my book so far makes me think yes, the risk is worth the end result…but also leaves me wondering…are they all just being kind? Not wanting to hurt my ever so fragile feelings? It’s not out of the realm of possibility, but these are all strong confident people such as myself. If they didn’t like it, they’d tell me. Gently but honestly. At least I hope so. I know I would tell them if the tables were turned.


If you were asked to critique something would you be honest? Have you made a difference in someone’s life?

Friday, March 18, 2016

Favorite Quotes

Have you ever watched a movie so many times you can quote a line before it's coming? Yeah me too. Here are just a few of my favorites:




"If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy."
From one of my all time favorite 80's films The Breakfast Club. One of the movies many I can watch over and over.

"What's our vector, Victor?"
Another 80's classic, Airplane. Most of the humor would be frowned upon today. Not Politically Correct at all. Probably why I love it so much.

NSFW
"I'll fight ya for it."
Snatch
If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it. Lots of cursing and some, okay, lots of violence, but a great movie. And Brad Pitt looks great with his shirt off. Just sayin'.


"I can't put my arms down!"
Christmas Story. Too bad it's a holiday movie. It's filled with so many classic lines, I'd watch it year round!


I can just about quote this entire movie. My kids can't even watch it with me...or my husband. We're that annoying.
Here are just a few of my favs:
"Kill the queen!"
"She's so drunk!"
"Bye! Bye! Bye!"
"You got some red on you."
Shaun of the Dead
Great flick. Seriously. I love it. A lot. I'm a true fan.
Have I mentioned I adore this movie?

But this isn't a post just about movie quotes. Nope. It's about meeting quotes too. Here are some of the one's that get me thinking and/or inspired:
  • Live and Let Live.
  • Negativity is my disease asking me to come out and play.
  • Just because you’re having a bad day, doesn’t mean you’re having a bad life.
  • Sometimes the hardest decision in life is which bridge to cross and which one to burn.
  • Resentments take a lot of work. They need to be held close, fed, and kept warm. Cause if you don’t take good care of them, they die. And then what good would resentment be if it died?
  • Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday so live in the now.
  • If I have one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow, I’ll be cockeyed today. 
  • Today is a very important day! It’s the only day you may have!
  • Are you comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides?
  • Would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy?
  • It takes a powerful man to rule over all with a loud voice. It takes a truly wise man to change one person’s view with a whisper.
  • Humility is a perpetual quietness of heart. (from Dr. Bob’s desk plaque).
  • If God made anything better than this, He kept it for Himself!
  • I may not always know God’s will, but I always know what His will is not.
  • If the grass is greener on the other side, it must be because of all the fertilizer they are putting on it.
  • Things aren’t necessarily going wrong just because they aren’t going my way.
  • Say what you mean, mean what you say.
  • We are not failing as long as we are trying.
  • I don’t always know how to make it better but I sure know how to make it worse but I’ll always keep on trying.
  • By changing attitudes and finding solutions through our program of recovery, we can regain freedom and joy.
  • We must become the change we want to see – Ghandi
  • Love is less a feeling than a thousand tiny acts of kindness.
  • Keep your acceptance level high and your expectation level low.
  • There are several paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is still the same.
  • I cannot mend if I bend the truth.
  • Take the program seriously, not yourself.
  • When you are in fear you should remember to go to your HP and T.R.U.S.T. = Try Really Using Step Three.
  • The problem with isolation is I’m the only one I get my solutions from.
  • When I’m alone and thinking, I’m behind enemy lines.
  • Isolation is the dark room I enter to develop my negatives.
  • This is my opinion. If you don’t agree or like what I have to say, then pray for me because I always want to improve and I always want to get better.
Do you have any favorite movie or life quotes?

(Early post this week because I have family fun filled planned this weekend. Hope you do too!)




Sunday, March 13, 2016

Thank You Terry Crews!

You’ve heard their names and seen their faces:

Tiger Woods


 
David Duchovny


 
Charlie Sheen


 
Anthony Weiner

All of them have the same thing in common: they're all self-proclaimed porn addicts. Some also admitted that their addiction to porn led them to becoming sex addicts.

Maybe you remember the headlines in each celeb’s case? Tiger Wood's wife smashing out his car window with a gulf club. Or the sexting scandal of Anthony Weiner that ruined his political career. Who can forget Charlie Sheen’s proclamations of “Winning!” in 2011?

The one thing they all seemed to have in common was that it took a big life event for them to  announce their addiction to porn. The addiction that led them to cheat on their loved ones and do things they thought unfathomable until the claws of the disease were dug in deep.

Then along came Terry Crews.
 
A man of strong body. A man of strong mind. A man of strong character. And a man plagued by an addiction to porn since the age of twelve. He didn’t need a scandal to let him know it was time to address his addiction. He needed the support, understanding, but most of all, the ultimatum, of his wife, Rebecca King-Crews to get him to where he is today. She explained that she didn’t recognize him anymore and that scared him, so he checked himself into rehab.

No longer would Crews see himself as a victim of his circumstances. No longer would he allow himself to feel alone and isolated, and leave himself vulnerable to viewing porn and down the dark path of cheating on his wife again. Now Cruz is actively speaking out against porn and the damage it can do in some couple’s relationships.

Terry Crews does not hang his head in shame. Instead, he educates the public by talking about the movement Fight The New Drug  whenever he’s given an opportunity and he does it in a way that only Crews can, with that endearing charm, wit, and a touch of humor too.

I am so thankful that he and his wife are spreading the word about porn and sex addiction. With a couple like this out there, it gives me hope that one day Devin and me won’t be forever hiding in the shadows.

Check out his Facebook videos. They’re short and well worth the listen.


Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Crews!

Do you know about any celebrities who've come out as sex/porn addicts? Did it change your opinion of them?

Sunday, March 6, 2016

The Importance of Boundaries

from Google 
Having strong boundaries when dealing with people is important. Having strong boundaries when dealing with an addict is crucial. Especially a sex addict. Boundaries help us feel safe and secure in our own environment and those of us who choose to stay in a relationship with an addict run the risk of having those boundaries crossed from time to time.

It’s taken me over five years to understand how to be flexible with my boundaries. Yes, you read that right. Flexible. As Devin’s recovery has grown and improved, so has mine. Our boundary agreement has evolved over time and circumstances. It’s fairly simple now. He cheats, I walk. He slips and lies about it, I walk.

Anything else comes up, we sit and talk it over, then enforce a boundary. And that’s what we did this weekend after he had a slip. We talked it out and agreed he should sleep in the spare bedroom for a week and install FamilyShield (or something like it) in our home to help block porn at the router.

He also decided he wants to join Candeo again. It’s an online program he used in the very beginning of his recovery. It was a vital step in helping him get on the path to a healthy recovery. He used it for over a year and during that year didn’t have a slip with porn, so he thinks it’s time to get back to the basics of his recovery.

While trying to figure out what boundaries to establish can be the toughest part (I had some doozies) they can be done simply and I feel they can change over the course of the addict’s recovery.

If you’re both in a good recovery, they can ease up a bit but if the addict is slipping and sliding all over the place like Bambi on ice, then it may be time to reconsider your boundaries or do a better job at enforcing them. And if the addict is stomping all over your boundaries with blatant disregard…well, let’s just say that’s a topic for a whole ‘nother post, and it ain't purty.

Have you had people cross your personal boundaries? What did you do?