Thursday, February 9, 2017

What is the good?



I’m going to be one “those” people today. The one who posts on Facebook, “Worst. Day. Ever!” But then never actually tells you what happened when you ask. I’m going to be super vague and share that I had a flashback of a childhood memory over the weekend but I’m not ready to share what that memory was, and honestly I don’t know that I ever will. So, yeah, I’m going to be that chick.

However, I’m not going to be that chick because I’m seeking attention. Rather as a way to say that while I know I have a long journey ahead of me to heal from the memory, I also discovered what a fucking rock star my husband is. Yeah, I said it. A fucking rock star. Because while I was an emotional puddle in the kitchen (again in the kitchen…what is it about that room?), he was my emotional rock.

His recovery has amplified his listening skills and his ability to empathize to such amazing levels, I am truly astounded. And blessed. Not only did he hold my hands, wipe my tears, and listen while I wept and shared my memory; he offered words of wisdom and insight too. Things he’s learned from his own recovery.

For me, it was another reminder of why I stayed with him through all the turmoil of his sex addiction. His recovery, my recovery, and our recovery together was what made this weekend’s discovery a bit easier to navigate.

While it’s easy to say, “what good is it?” because whenever I think I’m done digging through the muck of my traumatized brain another hurt reveals itself, I’d rather say, “What is the good?” And here it’s definitely my husband. My hero. Because this time, I have him here to lean on while I process through all of my emotions. I know I don’t have to go through this hurt alone. How cool is that?

 Who's your hero? Do you know someone on Facebook who posts something dramatic but never tells you what's actually wrong?

33 comments:

  1. What you're trying to tell us has nothing to do with the specifics, so we don't need to know.
    That you have both grown stronger and done it together is a testimony. Even if the memory sideswiped you, your husband was still holding fast. We need that solid foundation that comes from someone we love so much. (Which means you have two rocks - your husband and God.)
    My wife and I are support for each other.

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    1. Thank you for bringing up that point, Alex. You're right. The specifics aren't necessary here. I'm also glad you brought up my Faith because without it, I'd be lost right now. I think that God is timing things for me right now. I wasn't ready to face what I'm facing anytime before now. My recovery has never been more solid. Had it been anytime sooner, I'd be wrecked. But because I'm in such a healthy place with my recovery and with my Faith, I know I can get through this. If God leads me to it, He will lead through it.

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  2. Hi dear ; nice and lovely you write here.
    Usually I dont think too much in this but the last tines I noticed when hubby support me.
    Send you love and hugss !

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    1. It's good to have our husband's support, isn't it? That warm embrace of their comfort love does such wonder. Love and hugs, my friend!

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  3. Yeah, the "what" doesn't need to be said, as it showed you and you were able to tell how he's grown and was there for you.

    Wait...cat is tuning back in....

    You went all Facebook? Ick and you hurt the cat's delicate ears with such language. I'm going to leave a long rant now in the comment section and not like your post and then de-friend you after all of my friends, the thousands I have but only really know 3, see how crazy this was and agree with me to pump up my ego even though this is really one big long run on sentence.

    What?

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    1. No wonder I like Pat so much better than the cat. The cat so evil!

      Those people on Facebook drive me nuts...and here I am doing it. Hypocrite much, Elsie? Seriously though, the drama. Geez, Louise! The ranting and raving. Then friending and unfriending, blocking and unblocking. It's insane. And now with politics, it's best to stay away from Facebook these days.

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    2. haha the cat doesn't mind his evil ways.

      Yep, Facebook is best avoided.

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  4. Hi Elsie - good for you both and how lovely to know you can work forward together ... such a good read and to know help is at hand, as too compassion ... cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi Hilary! I read the post to him this morning before he left for work and he got all misty eyed..shh, don't tell him I told you. ;) But it was good for him to know how much I appreciated his support. You're right, it's good for us both.

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  5. My husband is my hero. (I always tell him the Foo Fighter Song "My Hero" is him.) That's good your husband can be yours and be there when you need him. I had a recent meltdown that I won't go into, but my husband and my Lord were both there to see me through.

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    1. That's a great song. They have a few songs I enjoy. I don't know why people give them a bad wrap, they're not too bad. I'm glad that your husband is your hero too. Although I'm saddened to hear that you also had a meltdown, I'm glad he was there for you when you needed him the most, along with the Lord. That did my heart good.

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  6. I have to be honest:
    On FB, I ignore those people.

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    1. Same here, Andrew. Not even a sad face from me. If you're going to post on Facebook that you're devastated, than share why or I'm moving along.

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  7. Oh Girl I hear ya on Vaguebook oops Facebook. :) LOL It's okay we all deserve a day in which to be that chick!!! :)

    I have to say also my hubby is a rock. With everything going on with our son I've had moments and if wasn't for him and his persistence I could have easily slipped into depression. When I didn't want to get up he didn't allow it. When I didn't want to leave the house he said, today we are going out. That is good that your hubby is there for you in those times to pick you up.

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    1. Oh my gosh, I'm totally stealing that: Vaguebook. I love it!

      I'm so glad you have your husband to lean on too. We need to have that someone. Especially when addiction plays such a large role in our lives. It helps to have that person telling us that it's going to be okay and to help motivate us and keep us from getting too deep into the abyss.

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  8. Isn't it great that God takes the worst thing about Devin and forges him stronger from it?

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    1. It's absolutely amazing. We are truly blessed.

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  9. Absolutely wonderful to hear his experience with recovery and the deals you faced along the process helps handling difficult situations... esp. the emotional support seems to move you well and u love it as well There’s isn’t that a hero should not face a testing phase and a real hero will definitely defeat any kind of opposition
    Cheers

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    1. I am truly blessed to have his support as I move through this part of my recovery. I don't think I could it without him. You're right, a true hero can face any kind of opposition.

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  10. "His recovery has amplified his listening skills and his ability to empathize to such amazing levels, I am truly astounded. And blessed. Not only did he hold my hands, wipe my tears, and listen while I wept and shared my memory; he offered words of wisdom and insight too. Things he’s learned from his own recovery."

    Cool beaners!!!!!

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  11. So pleased to hear that your hubby was able to be there for YOU, 100% and helped you get through that trauma. And yes, I have some friends who vaguebook and it is one of my pet peeves. I try not to do it.

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    1. Yes. I have a long road ahead of me and it's so good to know that he's able to be by my side. I don't like the whole vaguebook thing. I find it so annoying.

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  12. This was a loving, human post - not at all annoying like "My husband is the best in the whole world!" Gag!
    I'm glad you have the husband you deserve and have worked so hard for.
    Traumatic memories come and go for a lifetime - damn them. But you're taking the strongest, best path, with your life partner to catch you when you slip.
    Love you.

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    1. I'm finding as I read up on this kind of trauma that if you don't face it, it comes back. Damn things. Funny how you can't just suppress and ignore these things, isn't it? They annoy you until you work through them. Jerks. :) Love you too, Robyn!

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  13. Sometimes we have terrible days but we don't want all to know why it was terrible, when things are crumbling around me Tim can be terrific but he can also at times be useless but I do love him and I know he loves me

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    1. There was a time when Devin wasn't able to console me because I didn't have the ability to go to him and communicate exactly how I felt. In turn, he wasn't able to hear me either. Neither of us had the right tools. We loved each other but we were just broken in the communication world, so I totally get what you're saying.

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  14. This feels quite different from the usual vaguebooking, and yes, I have several of those on my feed. I no longer respond when it's obvious they want everyone falling over themselves to make sure they're okay. This one tells us without giving away something personal. I'm glad your husband was able to be there for you in the way you needed.

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    1. Thank you for telling me that, Shannon. I appreciate that. I guess this would fall into the whole realm of boundaries. There's no need to air all my dirty laundry. Goodness knows I share enough on here. :) I don't engage on those posts either.

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  15. ^ Vaguebooking. I love that word. Yeah, this isn't anything like that. Like everyone else said, that part doesn't even matter to the story. What matters is how far you and Devin BOTH have come. It's awesome. Sometimes how you react is more important than what happened in the first place.

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    1. I love that word too. I'd never heard it until this post. You're right. We have both come very far and continue to grow together and individually. I feel like this revelation happened now because I was mentally ready for it now.

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  16. I'd welcome some vague Facebook postings as opposed to some of the stuff that I see posted over the past few months. A bit of vague introspection from another might lead me to introspect about myself a bit rather than get annoyed at people who are getting annoyed at whatever specifically annoys them.

    Actually, I don't spend much time on Facebook.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. I have to agree with you, Arlee. My time on Facebook has decreased tremendously over the last few months. Leading up to the election and after the election, it's gotten to be too much for me so I just stay away. It's better for me that way.

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